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Voorhees Saga #7: The New Blood

Kane Hodder steps in to take over Jason's role (and Nathan's loins) and everyone is pleasantly surprised to have enjoyed such a late series sequel. 


S.T.a.B.

Sex.

David and Robin, Ben and Kate, and Russell and Sandra all get it on in different rooms in the same scene. Impressive.

Tits.

  • Sandra plays this installment's critical skinny dipper
  • Robin decides to NOT be the girl that pulls the sheet above her breasts

Body Count.

  1. Jane takes a spike to the head.
  2. Michael gets spiked in the back.
  3. Dan is punched through his torso and has his neck broken.
  4. Judy is smashed against a tree in her sleeping bag
  5. Russell's face is axed.
  6. Sandra is drowned. (rare)
  7. Maddy is sliced with a sickle.
  8. Ben gets the ol' barehanded skull crush.
  9. Kate's eye is impaled with a noisemaker.
  10. David is stabbed in the stomach.
  11. Eddie receives the patented "Ginny Chop"
  12. Robin is tossed out the second story window. (questionable)
  13. Tina's mom is stabbed with a huge farming blade.
  14. Dr. Crews is gutted with an impressive tree-trimming saw.
  15. Melissa receives a well deserved ax to the face.

And don't forget that Tina killed her father. That's one to Tina. 

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Help settle the debate.
STaB us with your mind thoughts *
STaB us with your mind thoughts
Make limited choices based on what I've chosen for you.
Kane is insane. More, please.
This part 7 slasher is surprisingly competent.
Actually, I'm OK with zombie dad ending.

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Krueger Saga #6: Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare

The whole cast is here to usher Freddy into the afterlife, for real "for real" this time.


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Help settle the debate.
Stab Us...With Your Opinions *
Stab Us...With Your Opinions
The "schlock atmosphere" definitely feels different.
They should have expanded on Freddy's glove prototypes.
Spencer's looped death scene could replace water boarding.

S.T.a.B.

Sex.

None. No nudity, either. Once the franchise was morphed into a marketing machine, nudity seemed to disappear.

Timeline.

It's been ten years since the events of Dream Child, putting the Freddy universe right around the year 2000.

Body Count.

  1. Freddy scrapes his blades against a chalkboard until Carlos' head explodes
  2. Spencer is drawn into a video game and thrown down a nightmare hole
  3. John makes a bad bet, getting separated from his parachute and attached to a bed of spikes

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Voorhees Saga #6: Jason Lives

Jason is back, for real this time, and while Daniel and Jonathan have fun, it's Nathan's little horror hating heart that is most thankful for his return. 


S.T.a.B.

Sex.

  • Cort and Nikki get the RV a rockin'

Tits.

None. I'm not condoning this horrible oversight, but if there has to be a Jason movie without breasts, I'm glad it's this one. 

Body Count. 

  1. Hawes has his heart punched out the back of his chest.
  2. Darryn is impaled with a fence post and flung into the woods.
  3. Lisbeth has her skull pierced to the ground with the same post.
  4. Burt is unarmed and impaled against a tree.
  5. Stan is 1 of 3 in a classy triple decapitation.
  6. Katie is 2 of 3.
  7. Larry is 3 of 3.
  8. Caretaker Martin truly does die by the bottle...being stabbed in his neck.
  9. Steve is skewered onto a machete with Annette.
  10. Annette is skewered onto a machete with Steve.
  11. Nikki gets her face molded into the metal siding of an RV.
  12. Cort is stabbed through the ear with a knife.
  13. Sissy's head is twisted OFF.
  14. Paula is liquefied all over her cabin. (*100 Lunatics Favorite*)
  15. Officer Thornton takes a hunting dart to the face.
  16. Officer Pappas earns a good ol' barehanded skull crushing.
  17. Sheriff Garris is folded in half. Backwards.
  18. Roy is dismembered, presumably.
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Help settle the debate.
Stab Us *
Stab Us
with your thoughts
Thank God Jason is back for real this time.
A little bit of comedy makes Jason a lot more fun.
I think the Final Chapter should have been the FINAL chapter.

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Voorhees Saga #5: A New Beginning

This "new beginning" seems to be missing something, but not everyone finds it lacking. No one knows where to settle with this controversial installment.  


How Did It S.T.a.C.K.?

Sex.

  • Lana's breasts are ready for showtime
  • Tina and Eddie get naked and then Eddie goes to the lake to wash up. I think sex happened
  • An uncharacteristically lengthy shot of Tina topless in the pasture
  • Robin wonderfully represents the smaller breasted community
  • She's technically clothed, but the rain renders Pam's thin white shirt invisible

Timeline.

Tommy's age is never discussed and the year is never mentioned. We assume Tommy is in his late teens/early twenties, putting the timeline of events in the mid 90s. This is the third Friday the 13th movie in a row that does not take place on Friday the 13th.

Creative Kills.

  1. Victor kills Joey with an ax
  2. Roy jams a lit road flare down Vinnie's throat
  3. Roy slits Pete's neck with a machete
  4. Roy plants an ax in Billy's bald spot
  5. Roy replants that ax in Lana's chest
  6. Roy stabs a knife into the vagabond's stomach (Raymond)
  7. Roy cuts through Tina's eyes with a tree trimmer
  8. Roy crushes Eddie's skull with a makeshift leather sinch (*100 Lunatics Favorite*)
  9. Roy slices Anita's throat
  10. Roy impales Demon with a metal rod
  11. Roy chops Junior's head off with a cleaver
  12. Roy sinks a cleaver in Ethel's forehead
  13. Roy recycles the cleaver into Jake's face
  14. Roy stabs Robin with a machete Kevin Bacon style
  15. Roy sticks Violet in the stomach with a machete
  16. Roy makes a bloody smile on Duke's neck (the gross EMT)
  17. Roy stakes Matthew Letter through the head
  18. Roy gouges the eyes of Grandpa George
  19. Tommy drops Roy onto a tractor harrow (spike bed)
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Was the movie triumphant as a stand alone film AND/OR was it triumphant within the franchise?
How Did It Stack for You?
How Did It Stack for You?
I would've liked to have seen a "Tommy as Jason" trilogy.
Roy is a more efficient killer than Jason.
This is the Nightmare on Elm Street 2 of the Friday franchise.

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Krueger Saga #5: The Dream Child

Things even out as Jonathan reluctantly stoops to Nathan's level, leaving Daniel to protect baby Freddy like his own dream child.


How Did It S.T.a.C.K.?

Sex.

  • None. Alice's butt makes up the only nudity. Tsk tsk.

Tropes.

We've followed Freddy all the way through the 80s and the series has proven to have avoided the big "race trope." With the exception of Sheila from part four, whose death hardly warrants a pattern, everyone has a fair chance of surviving. As long as you're a woman.

Creative Kills.

  1. Dan is metamotorcyclorphosized and crashed into a truck
  2. Greta is hamster-cheeked until she chokes
  3. Mark is reduced to two dimensions and finely shredded (reluctantly chosen *100 Lunatics Favorite*)

This is the lowest death count we've seen yet. So much focus went into longer and more elaborate nightmare sequences, you don't realize how few people actually die. Freddy is all about the psychological torture as we near the close of the series.

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Name
Love it, like Daniel and Jasmine, or leave it, like Nathan and Jonathan, who are dumb.
Your Two Cents
Your Two Cents
Though it's a wild movie, it doesn't break any franchise rules.
Censoring Greta's death scene destroyed it.
Freddy has gone too goofy.

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Voorhees Saga #4: The Final Chapter

Jonathan skirts closer and closer to the Dark Side as new rules enter the podcast. Will a shared love for Crispin Hellion Glover be enough to save the guys from total chaos?


How Did It S.T.a.C.K.?

Sex.

  • Jimmy proves he's incredible with Tina
  • Samantha shows off her tan-lined breasts
  • Twins Terri AND Tina go topless
  • 7 pairs of vintage dame danglers

Timeline.

Start's at the crime scene from Part 3 on the night of Monday the 16th. We meet the teens and the Jarvis family the next day, Tuesday the 17th. Skinny dipping, partying, and murdering all happen the following day on Wednesday the 18th, 1985. 

Creative Kills.

  1. Jason saws Axel's neck and twists his head backward
  2. Nurse Morgan is stabbed in the stomach and cut open
  3. "Fatty Patty" the hitchhiker is stabbed in the neck
  4. Samantha is stabbed through her stomach
  5. Paul is stabbed in the dick with a harpoon gun and hoisted into the air *100 Lunatics Favorite*
  6. Terri is stabbed in the back with a spear
  7. Jimmy gets corkscrewed and a cleaver to the face
  8. Tina is thrown onto a car from the second story window
  9. Ted is stabbed in the back of the head
  10. Jason crushes Doug's skull with his bare hand
  11. Sara gets a very well timed ax to the chest
  12. Rob "He's killing me!" Dyer is garden clawed to death

*The "deaths" of Jason and Mrs. Jarvis were not included for reasons discussed in the podcast.

 
Name *
Name
Who do you side with on the "appropriate level of little boy spaz-ness" issue?
Your Two Cents
Your Two Cents
How did it stack for you?
Best Friday the 13th so far.
Jason is definitely dead.
This isn't just a good Jason movie, it's a good movie period.

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Krueger Saga #4: The Dream Master

There comes a time in every franchise's life when you have to let it go...completely off the rails. Nathan almost leaves the podcast and Daniel defends fire-pissing dogs.


How Did It S.T.a.C.K.?

Sex.

  • A super model from Joey's poster appears topless inside his waterbed

Tropes.

We have our first sign of a possible "minorities die first" trope. I don't include Kincaid's death, since he is a SURVIVOR from Dream Warriors, but Sheila, now there you have an argument. Nerdy black Sheila gets Freddy'd first from the new cast. 

Creative Kills.

  1. Freddy stabs Kincaid in the stomach with his glove...a few times
  2. Joey is drowned inside his own waterbed
  3. Kristen is thrown into a furnace and burned alive
  4. Freddy makes out with Sheila and sucks her up like an empty toothpaste tube
  5. Rick takes Freddy's glove to the stomach after an invisible fight
  6. Debbie is transformed into a roach and then squished inside of a roach motel

***Freddy's death is so cool we had to include it in some form. The souls within him are charged to action by Alice's dirty work. Tiny arms protrude from Freddy's torso and bind him to the wall as they literally tear his face apart. He's eternal, though, so yes on the creative part, no on the kill part.***

Did Debbie's elbows snap, because they were bent too far or because she pushed back so hard?
Dream Mastery
Dream Mastery
You know how we feel. Your turn.
I am completely on board with the direction of this installment.
I prefer Patricia Arquette over Tuesday Knight.
Rapping Freddy makes sense.
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